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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven of your Daily, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to find out that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking through the school as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|